I often find myself having conversations with friends and colleagues about all the different things going on in their lives.  Some of it’s exciting, other stuff is tricky, and some things are just sad/upsetting or heartbreaking.  I hear much more about what’s going wrong in people’s lives than what’s going well.

 

Stuck in a Rut?

Some people just seem to be stuck in a rut of despair, or self-pity, or anger.  At times it is for good reason – they have a lot going on and things just seem to be breaking down around them.  And whatever it is, it is temporary, and they are dealing with it head on and bringing the difficulty and the pain towards them so they can get through it and get to the other side.

And some people just seem to live in their rut.  These are the people who are choosing to be miserable, angry, or perpetually on the receiving end of situations that leave them less fortunate.  They blame the world for what’s happening in their lives and they want to tell you every last detail of what’s happened to them now.

 

Happiness is a Choice…

For these people, I want to let them know that happiness is a choice.  It doesn’t come to us by chance, and it doesn’t look the same for us all.  And I’m talking about “true” happiness here –  the type that gives you a deep sense of joy at the bottom of your tummy.

We look for happiness at the surface level.  Happy moments.  The joy from eating some nice food, or some chocolate, or that first glass of wine at the end of a long week.  We take pictures of ourselves doing these everyday things and then post them to social media to show the world how happy we are and how full our lives are.  But if I were to scratch the surface, could you tell me that you were truly happy?  Not sure?  Well, here are 3 things that I think about when I ask myself if I am happy:

1. Am I making choices in line with the meaning or purpose for my life?

We are all here for a reason.  I’ve had the opportunity to get very clear on why I believe I am on this earth at this moment, and how I am supposed to contribute to the world around me.  For many people, getting clear on a meaning or purpose for their lives provides a solid basis for happiness to build from.  In having an understanding of who you are and what you want from your life, you can have a clear destination for your life’s work and journey.

 2. Am I thinking of others as well as myself?

Time and time again, social researchers are proving that thinking of others as well as oneself is one of the main keys to happiness. Ask anyone involved in charity work, and they will tell you that they find it extremely fulfilling.  There’s a weird phenomenon at work with this one – the happier I am, the more I want to think of others.  And the more I think of others, the happier I become.  It really is a virtuous cycle.  All-in-all, understanding and taking care of your own and other’s feelings and needs are important keys to happiness.

 3. Do I feel good about myself?

Research has found that people with good self-esteem are likely to be happier than those with poor or low self-esteem.  Self-esteem is about liking yourself, just as you are.  Not who you want to be.  However, please do take note of the following: you can like yourself and still be unhappy. Maybe something has knocked you back temporarily and you are working through it to get back to happiness. Chances are that if you have high self-esteem, you’re probably also satisfied with your life. A happy person usually feels good about themselves and life.

 

Take Your Time to Ponder

Answers to these questions won’t come in a flash.  They require a bit of quiet and alone time to really be reflective and inquisitive with what’s going on in your life and how you truly feel about it.  You have to spend time determining whether people and situations in your life add or take away happiness from you.

And I’m not saying that bad/unhappy/difficult/sad things will stop happening to you.  All that stuff happens to me too, but instead of letting it define me, I focus on moving through it at the right pace so I can get back to my true happiness.  And I know those things have happened to me or around me for a reason.  So I look for the lesson or the learning, and keep moving forwards.  It’s not easy, but it is manageable.

 

Put Your Happiness First

If you are struggling to answer these questions for yourself, why don’t you contact me and request your free 1-hour coaching session that will be the first step in your journey to find more happiness in your life.  Contact me via email here.

 

Photo credit: licornenoir / Foter / CC BY-NC-SA